not enough hours in a day

i don't really like complaining about the work i have to do. though in this case i have to complain because i have 5 papers due before i fly to the jing (which is in three weeks).
i want to bungee jump off the golden gate bridge to relieve some stress and forget homework for 2 minutes while floating in the air. how amazing would that be... like a drug but better.

Oh marijuana, how evil you could be. Sometimes i miss you, other times i don't. I miss you only when i need to relax, but these days even when im with you all i think about is work. work work work. in actuality i panic even more!

speaking of work, the mother found me a job at a five star hotel in Beijing. The pro's for working there over the summer is that it would fill in space for my resume. the con's is that i won't be able to see my lovely ladies as often as i wish. I would be working full-time at a hotel dealing with tourists. The experience sounds exciting, but im afraid i will find it dull after a month. ALSO, if i work, im afraid i won't get time off work to go to the philippines.

never did i imagine the day i would talk about working. It always seemed like a far away dream. Something that adults only do. I am actually considered an adult, but i don't feel like one. sometimes i feel like i pretend to be one; pay bills, be responsible, managing healthy foods. All of that "independence" vanishes once I see my papa or mother. I become a child again. I don't worry about anything. i miss the days when im laying sick in my bed waiting for the mother to put a damp towel on my forehead to cool down the fever. i miss being Dependant. its tiring to manage your day on your own. I felt caged when my parents had control over me. though i believe now that i have all the freedom in the world, it frightens me. I feel lost, even. the world is too big for me to breathe in. i need solidarity. friends may be there, but not forever. feelings die out.

In Kundera's book called "identity," he talks about relationships, but most importantly friendship (at least that is what stood out to me the most): "This is the real and only reason for friendship: to provide a mirror so the other person can contemplate his image from the past" (Kundera 10). I used to believe that family is the foundation or basis of our mutating beings, and friendship is the pillar to our minds. At times I disagree with Kundera's concept of friendship, for it justifies nothing. but at other times, like when i have conversations with friends, it is a mirror to our past. we try to bring back memories we spent together, building no solidarity with the present time.

To maintain good friendship is to grow together. no matter how old friends can be, it is very important to understand each other and simply grow with each others minds. our minds can get lost for a few days, a few months, even years. somehow strings from our minds detach and search for a different mind that can replace the old friend.

like a street, san li tun bar street, it used to be so familiar. acquaintances developed into life long friendships. but once the government torn down the bars,...

i cannot think straight! i dont make sense. i must finish my EMG lab before i continue this post.

ciao