12.10.08

hometown glory

moving back to beijing has brought back many old memories... to when life used to be stationary, or timeless, or steady.

im happy...

Leaving family and friends at the age of 15 for five years, i believe now is my time to relive the days I have missed out on.

I left because people come and go in Beijing, couldn't handle being the one left in this city, but thats the beauty of it, no?

So now I am here, ready to face new challenges.

i love this city too much to leave.

download "hometown glory" by Adele...

12.8.08

time is running out

its funny how some people change when you are about to leave a place.

emotions are so real..

2.8.08

wow

im staying in on a saturday night. I looked at my calendar and sadly realized that i only have 2 more weeks here...

im gonna have to wake up from this dream soon.

29.7.08

"every super woman needs a super man"

too many great women out there and too little great men. My whole life I have only met 2 great men (not including family members). Only 2...

its so sick...

ps. claire, china blocked lj; cant read your post! :(

22.5.08

recent shows

May 18:
Lykke Li's show was amazing. It was such a rush! i was so nervous to see her because shes amazing!



May 21:
M.I.A.. she is one of a kind. her performance went really well. One part i did not enjoy was when we had to wait for her to come out. the show started at 8, MIA played around 10:30 - 11? By the time she came out I was already drained from dancing to other peoples songs.
p.s. claire, we missed you.

20.5.08


Americans, in average, watch 4.5 hours worth of television in one day. now thats insane.

I only watch that much tv during the summer when I lock myself in my room with the aircon on to 16 degrees Celsius while its bleeding hot outside. Last summer I could not stand Beijing's summer heat, so i stayed in my cozy room with layers of blankets and watched 3 seasons of "the L word" and "Heroes." best time of my life.

although i do understand how people feel when they are super high. all you want to do is stay home and watch a good fcking film. mr. mota likes to keep people home.

I realized that the only time i write in this blog is when i have homework to do or a final to study for (physiology quiz tomorrow!). i find excuses that will keep me from doing what i have to do.

BUTTTT whats keeping me going is the fact that i leave to beijing in a couple of days! i don't remember ever being this excited to go back. is it for my friends and family? or the idea of returning to a place called home as an adult-to-be? every time i come home i bring back a girl who has grown. i grow and grow...and grow to what? aren't i suppose to be an adult now? but what do i bring back this time? A part of me wants to bring back the old me. the "all i want to do is have some fun" me. i am returning with baggage left behind and a new face to put a smile on to all my loved ones! that is what is exciting me. tickles my heart.

i dont love many people. but to those i love i give too much. i give too much because im afraid i will lose them. how pathetic.

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Today was the last day of my ceramics class. i loved that class so much i wanted to cry. every student had a certain bond to the clay and to the people who have touched the clay. its as if the clay embedded it's soul into our hands and into our body and molded us into one.

14.5.08

new favourite artist no. 1

LYKKE LI

i found this artist on V's facebook blog, boasting about how he got tickets to see her show.
i did not know what to say about his taste in music. i guess it was pretty good, though not quite good enough to track him down to steal his music playlists for earfood.

however, this time when i saw the name "lykke li" on V's page, i thought to myself, "now thats a distinct name." i felt as if i was destined to listen to what she has to offer to the world. and when i did, i fell in love.

so for the music lovers out there, PLEASE go on youtube and watch her videos (esp. the black cab sessions video). she is talent!

5.5.08

not enough hours in a day

i don't really like complaining about the work i have to do. though in this case i have to complain because i have 5 papers due before i fly to the jing (which is in three weeks).
i want to bungee jump off the golden gate bridge to relieve some stress and forget homework for 2 minutes while floating in the air. how amazing would that be... like a drug but better.

Oh marijuana, how evil you could be. Sometimes i miss you, other times i don't. I miss you only when i need to relax, but these days even when im with you all i think about is work. work work work. in actuality i panic even more!

speaking of work, the mother found me a job at a five star hotel in Beijing. The pro's for working there over the summer is that it would fill in space for my resume. the con's is that i won't be able to see my lovely ladies as often as i wish. I would be working full-time at a hotel dealing with tourists. The experience sounds exciting, but im afraid i will find it dull after a month. ALSO, if i work, im afraid i won't get time off work to go to the philippines.

never did i imagine the day i would talk about working. It always seemed like a far away dream. Something that adults only do. I am actually considered an adult, but i don't feel like one. sometimes i feel like i pretend to be one; pay bills, be responsible, managing healthy foods. All of that "independence" vanishes once I see my papa or mother. I become a child again. I don't worry about anything. i miss the days when im laying sick in my bed waiting for the mother to put a damp towel on my forehead to cool down the fever. i miss being Dependant. its tiring to manage your day on your own. I felt caged when my parents had control over me. though i believe now that i have all the freedom in the world, it frightens me. I feel lost, even. the world is too big for me to breathe in. i need solidarity. friends may be there, but not forever. feelings die out.

In Kundera's book called "identity," he talks about relationships, but most importantly friendship (at least that is what stood out to me the most): "This is the real and only reason for friendship: to provide a mirror so the other person can contemplate his image from the past" (Kundera 10). I used to believe that family is the foundation or basis of our mutating beings, and friendship is the pillar to our minds. At times I disagree with Kundera's concept of friendship, for it justifies nothing. but at other times, like when i have conversations with friends, it is a mirror to our past. we try to bring back memories we spent together, building no solidarity with the present time.

To maintain good friendship is to grow together. no matter how old friends can be, it is very important to understand each other and simply grow with each others minds. our minds can get lost for a few days, a few months, even years. somehow strings from our minds detach and search for a different mind that can replace the old friend.

like a street, san li tun bar street, it used to be so familiar. acquaintances developed into life long friendships. but once the government torn down the bars,...

i cannot think straight! i dont make sense. i must finish my EMG lab before i continue this post.

ciao